Anonymous: Hello i'm dilayla..i'm from the UK and i'm 14 years old i sometimes feel like i'm the only one who sees things as they really are So i feel lonely and i was wondering If you have ever felt like this and if you have how did you deal with it?
Hi Dilayla. Can you explain to me what you mean by seeing things as they are? That seems very vague. I see things the way they are, yes, but that might be completely different from how you see them.
I need to learn to stop loving so easily, for if I were to continue loving, I would continue hurting. And by the time someone worth loving enters my life, I will have hurt a thousand times over and be afraid to love again.
I don’t care what the experts say, I enjoy chatroulette and am safe about my travels through it’s website. I quickly pass through the perverts and say hello to everyone else. I try to keep it inside the United States so I don’t have to deal with mistranslated sentences. But the greatest part about chatroulette is the anonymous feature. You don’t need a cam and you don’t need to tell the truth.
Who is to know? I’m Josh from New York, age 21 one day, and then I’m Brad from Kentucky, age 23 the next. You have this fake persona that you can portray in hundreds of different ways.
I’ve met the sweetest, most amazing people through roulette. The stories they tell never end. The only bad thing about roulette is the parting. I make sure to get their emails, but even then. Never getting to see their face again. Never seeing them in person. I may only be 15, but I feel like I really know them. I’m Josh from New York age 21 and I will never see Dustin from Tennessee age 23 again.
My biggest regret on roulette was my first long conversation. I had the most amazing conversation with Dustin, but we didn’t get to exchange emails or anything. We had to say our goodbyes and then he was gone. He had the most amazing smile and the greatest personality. Though he was 23 and truthfully believed my strung out lie that I was 21, I still miss him. I still wish I could speak to him again. At least once more. But nope. Never again. Never will I see his face, smile, or emotions. I’ll remember him. I’ll try to never forget. It seems impossible, but I’ll try my best. I’ll save it on paper and store it away somewhere. And in a few years, when I’m really 21, I’ll go searching for him. I’ll find a way to meet him again. It’s stupid and near impossible, but I’ll try my best. I just can’t end it with nothing. And I’ll tell him I was a lot younger than I said I was. And hopefully he won’t care.
Chatroulette can easily make me depressed. I don’t know why I do it. I just want to see the multitude of people I guess. People entertain me.
I understand the point of view people come through. They love unconditionally. They see the inside beauty, and if they look presentable outside as well, then that’s just a plus. Being able to look past their mistakes and imperfections and loving them for who they are.
But this has been been on my mind for quite some time…
Those that believe love is unconditional usually still place conditions to guide them. Though it can’t be changed and though it isn’t the person’s fault, sexuality is still conditional. Unwilling to love someone back because of the gender of the other person. And that is understandable, but still conditional.
We talked a bit about this in my English class the other day. My teacher supports unconditional love. He says he could fall in love with any girl as long as their personality is worth falling for. Everybody has imperfections, but so long as their beauty is one that shines, he can look past them.
I felt the need to ask him about this, but didn’t. It didn’t seem to be an appropriate question to ask, and more importantly, it was far off topic anyways.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t still ponder the question.
I know this guy. An amazing guy. His personality struck me as unique but pleasant when I first met him. And though I do see his outward beauty, I very much am glad his inward beauty is just as magnificent. The problem is, there is a condition to us not being together right now. It’s because he’s heterosexual. And I respect that as much as others respect me being bisexual. But I was concerned and saddened. I thought, “Why must sexuality outweigh pure unconditional love?”
Even if he didn’t care about my personality as much as I to his, the example still stands.
I suppose the love is still there, but it isn’t the same. When talking about unconditional love, does it mean love in the sense of just being able to like the person for who they are, or does it mean love as in willing to be committed to a relationship without any condition of who they are on the outside?
I suppose it all depends on how you interpret the phrase unconditional love. But in the case of the second definition, love is still conditional so long as sexuality is a factor.
It still amazes me on the many different combinations of people there are in this world. Seven billion. That’s a large number. Seven billion lives, each with unique personalities, looks, feelings, and thoughts. Seven billion lives with stories to unfold. The multitude of jobs and achievements in life. The multitude of disappointments and failures in life. The suicides and congratulations parties. The winners and losers. There are seven billion of us, and you just so happen to be you. And I just so happen to be I. My personality and my life with my thoughts, emotions, looks, and feelings. It is unfathomable to me.
Some days I just sit around a McDonalds and eat some fries while looking at all the faces and lives pass by. The mother with the crying child. The foreign family with the accent. The football buffs. The nerds. The hard workers with minimal pay. The lawyers and doctors just getting off work. You can tell what they are, and even if you can’t, you can still guess. Because with seven billion people on Earth, it’s possible.
Other days I sit around a park and notice all the younglings playing. I label them, not in a racist or other terrible categorical way, but as anything. Because once again, they are part of the seven billion. They have the equal amount of chances as the kid next to him.
I lie to myself. I tell myself that everyone has the equal opportunity, but I know they don’t. I personally didn’t grow up in a rich household. Hell, I still don’t live in a rich household, and I can barely consider it middle-class. And then there are those living much more disastrous lives. And those living much more privileged lives. Life isn’t equal and life isn’t fair. The hard work you put into life is what turns the tables for your beginnings.
To sum up a lengthy opinion. I still find the prospect of life unfathomable.